An outlet for thinking

I just finished reading a book that Jenny let me borrow.
It's about 2AM at the moment and I've just finished reading it and I'm not tired because I spent practically half of the day sleeping.
I guess I just felt like writing something about what I was feeling at this very moment. There are so many things that I want to say but I just feel like it'll be a superficial thing to say, just in case other people may feel the same way at times.
I just don't feel like I should be copying other peoples' feelings.

Sometimes I hope that my closest friends know how much I appreciate them for being my friend. I don't even want them to read it in case it just sounds really tacky or insincere, but I read something about a man who always let everyone know how he felt about them, and he would be happy if he were to pass on because he'd know that they knew how much they meant to him. And I guess I want to always have in the back of my mind that the people that matter most to me know how much they mean to me, even if I'm afraid to admit it. I sometimes feel unworthy of even having them there and I put them up on a pedastool because I just think that they're the most wonderful people that anyone can get to know, and if anyone does get the chance to know them as well as I do, they'll be very lucky people.
These people are two very close friends of mine. I don't know what else to say because if I try too much, I know it's not what I actually want to say. If they were reading this, I'd want it to be perfect. But I just can't think of what else I can say. I just hope that it's not one of those friendships that fade. I hope it stays the same over the years.

To my not so close friends, thank you for putting up with me. I know I'm a very distant person sometimes but I guess you just haven't seen the real me yet. Maybe you will someday. I hope you do.
To my friends who are disappointed that I didn't mention them, I'm sorry. I am quite close to alot of people but I just felt it necessary to write something about them. You should know that I appreciate that you're even my friend!

To my family, I love you guys so much. I couldn't think of another family like us. I'm proud to be apart of this family because of how close we are. I know that there have been some bad times but we always get over it. To my Dad, I know that I'm probably not the daughter that you would've wished for because I'm as stubborn as you are. I'm the only one that will fight back to you even though my sister and my brothers tell me not to egg you on because I just feel like I should stand up for what I think is right. I hope you're proud of me though, even if I'm not the ideal daughter of yours. To my mum, I'd like to thank you more than dad, even though I should love you both equally the same. I do, but I just think there's more to thank you for. I know I'm really hard to handle sometimes (most of the time) and I thank you for not throwing me out a window or something. Thanks for being my friend at around the time Vy spent less time with me and more time with her other friends. Thankyou for everything that you have done for me.

To my big brother Huan, we aren't as close but when we get to talk seriously then it makes me happy. I don't think you know how much I love it when we get to have some special time together or we just click, because when that happens, everything just feels right. And that is with all of the other people I click with. Thanks for being the joker of the family, I learnt my stuff from you.

To my other big brother Vuong, over the past few weeks since Tabby has gone, we have spent alot more time together. Especially since Vy wasn't there either. Thank you for being there and being able to feel comfortable just hanging out with me because I don't think that many brothers and sisters do that these days, especially those with our age gap, even though it's not very far. I find it very special to hear these stories that you tell me because I feel that it's something personal, especially coming from you. I'm glad I could be there to listen to all of your stories and aspirations. I wish you get everything that you want. (You'll be my dietition one day!)

I felt it was necessary to leave you as the last "family member" I wrote to. To my bigger sister Vy. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for trying to understand me when you can't. Don't think that I'm just being another teenage girl going through different dramas when I talk to you and tell you stories, listen to me. Think of me as your little sister and as someone different from all those out there. I think I want to be separated from them and not be included, even though sometimes I do feel like I want to be included. We are probably the closest sisters I know. I love that our whole family is probably the closest (relationship wise). This isn't the most perfect thing to write about you, but I hope you already know what you mean. You've helped me for so long and I just wish you get whatever you want... and I know you do anyways!

In conclusion, I have come to realise that I feel bad about mostly everything. When it comes down to it, I always find the negative things in what I think about... but I don't want to. I know I'm probably built that way and if I tried to change that, I wouldn't be able to, but I can always hope. This blog entry is very long, and I have a feeling that people won't read it, which is a good thing... because I want to read this when I forget how things mean to me.

I will re-read this tomorrow and hopefully I don't regret writing this.
thuy my.
P.S. To all the people who were bothered to read this or who have stumbled upon this, thinking that you wish you meant something to me. You do. Oh and if you don't wish that, I don't mind, because I probably mean nothing to you in the first place.